living the single life: things I do that are different & that I love

 

Merry Christmas Eve, friends! I had the idea for this post today as I placed my dinner order last night and thought I'd share a little about how different my life looks lately. It's interesting, to say the least! I'm certainly not complaining about it, I promise, and I actually enjoy my life immensely most days. I do have days when I have major pity parties, but I really try to not go down that road too often, of if I do, for too long of a time. There's a TikTok account that I follow that is a woman about my age; she lives in an apartment, alone somewhere in a city, and I'm slightly fascinated by how different her life is than mine. Anyway, here are things that I do fairly often now that I haven't done before. I hope you enjoy this little glimpse into my life!

The first thing I do now that I've not done before my separation is that I use Door Dash more often. I don't go too crazy with this, but I've learned that when I'm craving something like a good meal from a favorite Mexican restaurant, this is a good option for me. 

I ordered some enchiladas for dinner last night. It sounded really good, and I ate about half; I'll probably eat the leftovers on Christmas night! 

I don't get the mail everyday anymore. I just don't think about it each day, honestly, and unless I'm expecting something, I always forget to check. This doesn't bother me, although it does some people. (Please sense my big "ahem" here.)

I don't always order groceries every week! It just depends what I have in the house and what we ate the previous week. There are plenty of times when Jonah buys all of his own food, because he likes specific things. This has been one of the strangest things to deal with now that I'm separated. I've heard for years how hard it is to cook for just two people after being used to cooking for a small army, and it's true. What's even harder is cooking for one person! I guess that's why I justify using Door Dash sometimes, because it's a cheap way to eat a meal for two nights in a row. My meal last night (including the tip) was $21, and I'll eat on it one more night this week. Sometimes it is cheaper to eat meals that way. Because I'm taking medicine right now that requires me to eat, I'm eating oatmeal for breakfast every morning, a Premier protein shake for lunch with coffee and a dash of cream, and something pretty sensible for dinner. 

I love not sharing the TV with anyone. I never have to watch anything I don't want to, and if I want to keep Hallmark movies on all day long, nobody is here to bug me about it. 

I have learned to try to let go of my tendency to want things to be nearly perfect. I've been able to settle with just good enough, and things don't bother me like they used to. I don't freak out about the messy floors that are laden with dog hair, I don't stress about keeping things picked up and dusted off all the time, and I don't always make my bed and hang up my clothes. This new aspect of my life feels decadent some days, because I have zero pressure from anyone and no expectations whatsoever from my roommate. 

And speaking of my roommate, Jonah and I are excellent at living together. Our relationship has drastically changed, for the better, in my opinion. It's not the typical mother/son relationship anymore, but one of friends and roommates, and cohorts that are able to speak freely about anything and everything. Our personalities are very similar, and we've grown closer than ever in the last six months. Six months! Can you believe it's been half a year since my world changed so much? The mom/son thing hasn't completely gone away; he comes to me to vent, to talk, to get advice, and to ask for help. But I do the same with him! He's my one that has truly lived this whole ordeal with me, and right now I feel the closest to him, just because of that. He's even stepped up his hugging game, and he gives me the best hugs these days anytime I need one. 

I absolutely have learned to not hide things or minimize things to make things appear differently in my life than they really are. That may seem confusing, but here are a few examples. I accept help when people offer! I have learned to tell people what I need, and I have no issues at all with inviting myself into someone's home or life. I'm always happy they would consider including me! When people ask me how I am, I answer honestly. I never say "fine" anymore; my standard answers are either, "I'm okay/good", or "I'm better today than I was yesterday."

I never have days at home when I stay in my pajamas unless I'm sick. I do occasionally do that, like right now while I'm trying to feel better with my back problem, but I rarely stay home on my days off anymore. I almost always get out at least some point in my day, and even when I don't go somewhere on an off day, I do get dressed in something comfy and that is appropriate for leaving the house or having people in and out, and I always put on makeup and jewelry. I can't really explain why I do this, except that it helps me to feel put together. This has been another really big adjustment for me, because I'm an introvert, albeit an extroverted one. I love staying at home, but I can't stay at home much these days. Does that make sense? I need to be with people or I'll get sad and have moments when I wallow in self pity over my life's circumstances. 🤣 Just being honest! 

I've learned to sit and enjoy the moments that I am at home, no matter for how long or short of a time. I'll light a candle for an hour and then blow it out again on my way out the door. I wear comfy shoes when I come home, and then change them again on my way out. I've learned to embrace a bunch of the small little moments by doing things that make me happy, like lighting a candle or two. If I need a bite of something sweet, I'll get something and not feel guilty. If I don't eat the healthiest of meals, than I don't beat myself up for that. 

I am learning to extend grace to myself, and I'm learning to be a little selfish with myself as well. This is actually something my counselor recommended to me, to watch out for my own interests the most and to put myself first for the first time in 28 years. I don't worry about offending people, I don't care if I ruffle feathers when my sons don't want to talk about things, I just speak my mind and trust that they'll all get over it eventually. I've also learned that I can speak up when I'm mad or sad, and simply not care how it makes the other person feel. This all sounds so rude and selfish, but it's just part of me learning how to live this new life that I've been dealt. I won't always be like this, but I will have boundaries for myself and with other people for the rest of my days. It simply is what it is, and there's no going back. 

Well, I could obviously go on and on, but I'll stop with those. These are things that help me live this new life; everything is so different, and I need it to be that way! It's kind of what propels me forward with my days when I wake up every morning, and it's why there's nothing sentimental on my Christmas tree this year. Maybe as time goes on things will change and go back to normal, but it also may not ever be that way again. I'm okay with that, too, honestly, and just want to live life each day to its fullest. I don't want to look back so often that I keep getting reminiscent and sad; I want to live life looking ahead at all of the good that is to come. Thanks for being here today to read my blog in a very un-Christmas Eve type post. Love to all! 

Jenn 🖤