Happy Thursday, friends! I'm so glad you're here today to link up with Joanne, Marilyn, Tanya, and me. I also hope that all of you had a better reading month than I did, because alas, I did not actually finish one book this month. Can you believe that? It's my life, I'm telling you; I'm having an issue with not being able to pay attention to a book, so I'm either listening to music or watching shows on Netflix. I am currently in the middle of three different books right now, and I will share those with you when we talk about our October books next month. Here's a sneak peak of just one of the three I'm in the middle of:
It's funny how when you go to do something like this, you think you're going to hear someone speak and to laugh a little, but what ended up happening is that I was encouraged in three different circumstances in the brief time I was there. First, my dear friend Marilyn affirmed me about the day I've been dreading for months: my 28th wedding anniversary is on Friday of this week, and I am walking through the process of waiting for my divorce to become finalized, even though I'm months away. I won't get into details since they're not important, but she encouraged me to not project my feelings about that day onto the actual day itself. I love what Marilyn said, and she encouraged me to keep holding my head high. I had plans to be in Denver by this morning, but I had to postpone my trip since one of my sisters is sick. We're doing the same trip with the same itinerary the last week of October.
And then I ran into the wife of someone my husband used to be close with on the sheriff's department, and she hugged me for dear life as she poured encouragement into my ear. She said almost word verbatim what Marilyn said to me after she and I met Sophie and said our goodbyes; and though Marilyn knew who that woman was after I told her, I didn't tell her what she said to me! She told me to keep walking with my head held high, and to keep on being the rockstar that I am. (I'm not saying that I am that, y'all, those were her words.) She told me that she and her husband support me. She told me that I was beautiful, a treasure, and a strong woman of God, and to keep walking in the knowledge of Him and knowing those things. It was encouraging to hear, because honestly, I can't imagine what the sheriff's department people must think since they know all of our dirty laundry, thanks to him. He's being pretty brazen in his life right now, and not hiding even one thing that he's doing that is morally wrong.
And lastly, my best friend encouraged me for the rest of the way home. I dropped her off at her car, and then she called me before I even left the parking lot. 🤣 She also affirmed me and told me to keep writing, and to also consider writing a book about the events that I've been walking through since June. She's the second person that has said that to me in a week, and then yesterday I woke up to an anonymous comment on my blog saying the same thing, almost word verbatim.
I share all of these things, because the Lord used them all in my life this week, in this time frame that I've been dreading leading up to tomorrow, the day we would have been celebrating our 28 years of being married. Won't He do it? He is so good to me, and I know that He hears my prayers and knows my heart and the things that are inside of it when I'm too sad/angry/overwhelmed to even pray. Also, He put me with the counselor that is for me this week; I went to a new one on Tuesday and walked out of her office feeling so much better. She gave me some coping exercises to do on my own at home when I feel sad/angry/overwhelmed, and she encouraged me to reinvent myself after I get to know who I am. And honestly, I don't even know who I am without being a wife, because I was married by nineteen. I went from being a kid at home, to a wife, then to a mom; but today I am someone unrecognizable to myself. I am none of those things anymore, except for the mom part, but my role as their mom has changed drastically since they're grown.
A few of you have mentioned this to me as well, but it's finally sinking in that I can become someone completely new. That's exciting to think about! She also encouraged me to get out of my house and to avoid being here alone at night as much as possible. So I'm going to work on all of these things, and I'm going to really pray and think about the person I want to be and what I want my life to look like in five years. I can tell you one thing: I do not want to be married again, because I am loving my newfound independence and freedom! It feels amazing to not have to answer for anything that I do or the money I spend. The Lord may change my mind someday, but I am not at all interested in that. Even if I were, I would take my time, because rebound relationships never last.
I am grateful for all of you and this online community of friends that feel so genuine. Thank you for your many prayers and words of encouragement; so many of you have reached out to me by email to encourage me as well, and I'm so thankful for all of those that I've gotten. I wake up to a new one almost daily, and I've even been the recipient of gifts that I've gotten in the mail. You have no idea what all of this has meant to me the last few months; I thank the Lord for each and every one of you. Thank you for letting me talk here and to be so real with you; and thank you for loving me anyway! I look forward to being here each and everyday. It's because of you that I feel that way, so my gratitude doesn't feel adequate.
Thanks for reading my blog today, friends, and for linking up with us! Love to all.
Jenn 🖤
I am glad that you've heard similar uplifting/ words of advice from different people. That must be encouraging for you to hear especially when the words are positive about your character and the advice will enable you to flourish in spite of being in circumstances you could not have imagined yourself being in six months ago. I can see how it would be hard to concentrate on reading books right now! How neat to meet Sophie Hudson. I have purchased her teen devotionals for two girls and they seemed like really good ones. Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteThank you! It was so affirming to hear people say those things. I really do hope to read again eventually! I love it and miss doing it in my spare time. I keep taking books with me everywhere with the hopes that today will be different, but alas, it never is. I'm rolling my eyes. This is the third or fourth time I've seen Sophie somewhere. She's the best! Thanks, friend, I hope the same for you!
DeleteHi Jennifer :) I have a story that I wrote last year about becoming your true self. In that story I talk about how a woman is usually defined by her role in life. When we are little girls we are pleasing our parents. When we are teens we are trying to please the boys. As young women, it's all about our spouse, then we're a mom and it's all about being what they need us to be. But, as we get older, we need to find that person inside of us, who no longer needs to be what everyone else needs or expects. We need to be that true person that God created. The one that is not ashamed of what we look like, the fact that we're outspoken, what our laugh sounds like, or afraid to be quirky in all the good ways. So, I don't consider it a time of "reinvention", but rather a time to become free from all the other people you were trying to be and just rest in the freedom to be you. That freedom will take you farther than anything else and bring you right back to Jesus, with his acceptance and grace. I wish we could all learn that when we're younger, but it only seems to come with age and not trying to please others. You are so much more than what he's left you feeling like. He's making an ass out of himself, for all the world to see. Keep being your wonderful self :)
ReplyDeleteI love what Debbie said. Thank you!
DeleteI love what you said, Debbie! And I do agree that it's more a matter of becoming the person that God intended for me to be right now. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement! I appreciate them so very much.
DeleteI love it too!
DeleteYou know something? You ARE a rock star. You've been going through so much and you're doing it all which such grace. Starting over and figuring out who you really are or who the new you is can be daunting. But it's also a great opportunity for growth and new beginnings. Every step is a chance to learn and discover more and more about yourself. Embrace the change and trust that this journey will lead you to new paths and possibilities. You have the strength within YOU to create the life you want. Take it one day at a time, and remember to be gentle with yourself, Each small step forward is victory. You've GOT this!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for that! I can't say that I've always been graceful in how I've handled things, because I've definitely had my moments of slip-ups, but I have tried my very best to be honoring to God at all times. That's been my prayer, that the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart would be pleasing to the Lord as much as possible; that's based on one of my favorite Bible verses, Psalm 19:14. I am going to do my best to embrace this new stage of life I'm finding myself in. I have got this!
DeleteOh i really loved reading this and as difficult as it is, I am so excited for you too! You can be whoever you want to be next and yes, not have to answer to anyone. it will take time but I know you will love your new found freedom and will find the JOY in ever day XO
ReplyDeleteThanks, sweet friend. I'm excited for me too! I have been practicing looking for all of those moments of joy that can be found in each day. That's one thing my counselor urged me to do this week, actually, so that's great advice from you. Much love!
DeleteI am so glad you are getting much needed support during this tough time. I am certain you will come out of this happier than you have ever been.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I am certain of that same thing, and I'm excited for my future now that I've gotten over the shock of it all. I'm glad you stopped by today and hope to see you back here soon!
DeleteI am so thankful you are feeling the love and respect and friendship of those around you. I am sorry that this happened to you. Your resilience and continued faith is inspiring to many, I am sure. Keep leaning on others, including us here, until the day you stand upright on your own. You are well on your way! My dear father used to have a saying, and I can still here his voice telling me, "Billie, To hell with 'em. You don't need that in your life!"
ReplyDeleteI am so grateful for that too, friend. If I've thanked God once, I've thanked Him no less than a million times! I appreciate your kind words so much and haven't always lived up to that since this started, but each day I pray and ask the Lord to help me have wisdom in which to walk through my days. I will keep leaning on all of my friends, so thank you for that! I love what your dad used to say; I totally feel that!
DeleteSo amazing to read about all the angels on earth God has put in your path! You demonstrate wisdom beyond your years and I know your Dad is looking down from heaven with pride. Sending hugs, prayers, and love from Waco!
ReplyDeleteIt really is amazing, isn't it?! Thank you for that, and for your sweet words of encouragement. I do not take them for granted, I promise!
DeleteThat is so wonderful when you feel God's encouragement through so many people. Thinking of you tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI know! It's been hard, but I also feel incredibly blessed to have so many wonderful, supportive people surrounding me. Thank you for that, my friend!
DeleteI am so sorry that you are walking this path of pain and suffering. Have you considered a DivorceCare support group through a church? That helped me so much.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs and prayers your way!
Thank you! It does get easier with time, and that's where I'm at now: one small step/day at a time. Any progress forward is good, in my eyes! I have considered that, but I haven't been able to make it work yet. I think it's too fresh still, so maybe I'll look for a group that starts in January. Thanks for encouraging me to do that today and for stopping by!
DeleteWow; how neat to get the same message 3 times in one night! That is for sure a sign.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that crazy?! I love it when things like that happen.
DeleteSo glad we could meet up at the book signing! You will be carried tomorrow and the day after that, and every day. I am glad you felt encouraged and will see you this weekend!
ReplyDeleteI am too, and thank you for saving us seats! I will, and I look forward to the weekend because of you! I'm so grateful for you, my friend.
DeleteI'm so sorry that life is so hard for you right now. I can't even really imagine. So glad you have so many friends to help you through. Praying.
ReplyDeleteIt's actually getting easier the more that time goes on. I know it's still shocking for a lot of people, but I'm going on four months of living this now. I'm so grateful for my family and friends! Thank you for your prayers, I still need lots of them!
DeleteMany prayers as you navigate this new territory. God often puts people in our path to pass His messages along, I swear.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right! Thank you for that, friend.
DeleteI hope that when you reflect on the almost 28 years of your marriage that you will be able to focus on the good that came of it...your children, the happy times. I have been divorced more than once and it took time for me to get there in both cases but I can say I am at peace with those relationships, and wouldn't undo anything but also wouldn't go back to those relationships. God had something better in store for me and He does for you. How exciting that you are creating a brand new chapter? So thankful you have good friends to support you and your incredible faith and strength.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Leslie! I am trying to do that; and it's true. I am so thankful for my sons, and for the many memories we created with them and together as a family. I don't always feel that way, but I do a lot of the time. I know this part is often the hardest and it feels very mean spirited, which is uncharacteristic of me and how I normally am. I've been assured time and again by my attorney that this isn't mean on my end; it's all very standard and reasonable, in terms of what comes after. I know that not *everyone* feels that way about it all, but this wasn't anything I asked for.
DeleteThanks again for your encouragement!