26 years of us!

 

Happy Tuesday, friends! Today is our 26th wedding anniversary, so I thought I'd share some things we have discovered over the years. I hope you enjoy reading today! This picture above was taken the summer after we graduated high school. We were in the backseat of a car on our way to the beach. (He had just been in a terrible bike accident in Colorado, which is why his eye looked black. He had to have about 50 stitches in his face from that wreck.)

We've both learned that it feels good when an effort is made to show the other one how much we care for one another. There was a time when we just assumed this, but we no longer do that anymore. I'm not going to say that he loves hearing about a book I'm reading or something else trivial, but if it's important for me to say it, he listens. This one statement can be true of several different things, whether our personal relationship (ahem) or making plans for spending time together. It's good to make an effort! 

We have learned that we don't have to be together one hundred percent of the time. He works a lot, which is also a hobby and I apparently travel a lot without him. About the traveling—he is in a phase of life with work right now that it's hard for him to travel. He's okay with this and he never minds me going without him, but that is where his hobby comes into play. Working with the sheriff's department is also a hobby for him and he loves it so much! I am grateful for this, because every man needs friends and they need a hobby. I have never discouraged him from pursuing a hobby. When the boys were young, he didn't work this much, which is good since that would have made me mad! On the other hand, he has never made me feel guilty for going without him or for spending time with girlfriends. I said all of that to say that we do really enjoy being together, but we also have fun when we're not together. This works well for us both.

I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. I don't get all bent out of shape over things that don't matter in the grand scheme of life. If he makes a mess and doesn't clean it up, I don't gripe or complain. That only escalates everything and everyone ends up angry. I just quietly fold the towel, wipe the counter or load something into the dishwasher. There's a lot that I don't do that he lets go of as well, trust me. I have learned not to be a nagging wife, because who can stand being around someone like that? When I'm irritated at him about something and about to gripe about it, I just turn that into a prayer of frustration instead. The Lord can handle those times like that and it's better to pour it out to Him than to say something to Todd I'll later regret. 

I don't expect him to be someone he's not. I am sure that for the first half of our marriage, I tried to make him over into someone else. I wanted him to do certain things and to dress a certain way, all for the sake of paying attention to what other people thought about him. I do not do that anymore! When we're going somewhere and he asks my opinion on what he should wear, my answer is always the same: wear something you feel good in and wear something that is comfortable. My husband is not a publicly affectionate man. This means he doesn't say sweet things about me on social media, he doesn't gush about me to his friends (or to mine) and he doesn't really freely give compliments. Now, he does do all of those things, but just when it's me and him. He is a man of his word, so when he does say something nice, you know it's from his heart. It's taken me at least twenty years to appreciate this about him! 

I learned very early in our marriage to never talk about him to anyone, unless it's in a good way. I also learned to be careful of my tone of voice that I speak to him in, thanks to a hard conversation with my dad about this one time. (Good for him, by the way—he heard me snap back at him and he called me out on it later that week.) Have you been around a friend who speaks treacherously about her husband? I have and it's a terrible thing to listen to and it's awkward. Nobody wants to hear you air your dirty laundry. Even if I think those things in my head, I would never speak about him that way to anyone, not even to my best friend or to my mom. You can ask them both—I never talk bad about him! I am also very mindful of how I speak to people, so it would make sense that I'm the same way with Todd. I don't talk down to him, I don't shame him, I never belittle him. I also appreciate this about how he is this same way with me, even though it's something we never talk about. 

I learned early on in our marriage to make our home a haven for him to come home to. Keep in mind, all of those years I didn't work outside of my home. This just means that I would tidy things up before he came home, or I'd ask the boys to clean up their messes from the day, I would have dinner cooking for us to eat at a reasonable hour, I wouldn't immediately barrage him with complaints and questions the second he walked in. There were times that I am sure all of those things did happen, times when I was sick or tired or frustrated during my early mom years, but I really did try to be welcoming to him when he came home. I have always heard that it's good to have a home that makes it easy for them to come home to and hard for them to leave. Even though things have changed nowadays, I still practice this same pattern today, and not only with him, but with our sons. After all, they're returning home from a long day of work as well! 

Todd and I promised each other to never ever ever utter the "d" word or to even joke about it. The "d" word is divorce. We knew early on that we didn't want to marry unless it was for life. We still believe this today and though times haven't always been easy or what they are now, the Lord has been faithful to us and He has seen us through. We've both had health scares, we have both messed up plenty of times, but like we say all the time, at this point in our lives, we're just stuck with each other forever.

We've learned that even though the Bible says to not let the sun go down on your anger, sometimes it's okay to admit that we're tired, that we love each other and that we'll talk things over more in the morning. We also swallow a lot of what we want to say when we're frustrated and we don't say it. We rarely argue these days and when one of us is in a bad mood, we just both try to be quiet. 

We give 100% of ourselves 100% of the time. 

We love each other. We respect each other. He loves me and I submit to his leadership, as the head of our home. That isn't always easy, but when they love and lead in a godly way, it's easy to be able to submit. A godly man will never "lord" his position in the home over the wife. He will lead by example, he will listen when the wife has something to say and he will make her feel valuable and irreplaceable in the home. Todd does all of these things and we make decisions together. There have been times that he wanted to do something financially that I did not, and because of my opinion, he paid attention and did not go through with what he wanted. He makes me feel important and makes sure I also know that deep in my heart, in spite of any insecurities I may have. 

He loves me well. My dad always thanks him for being such a great husband to his daughter and I've heard Mom say the same thing to him. I am so grateful for him and for how the Lord has worked in us both over the years. Any success we have in marriage is only because of Jesus! I like to think that I love Todd well too. I think he would say that I do. I'm 90% sure he will not read this in time, though he does read here occasionally, but just in case he does—Happy anniversary, Toddley. You're my lobster.

I love you! 

If you're still here, thanks for reading my blog! Love to all. ❤

P.s. Don't forget about the upcoming "currently" link I have coming up tomorrow, October 5th. This month we're talking about what we're currently anticipating, admiring, spending/consuming, wanting, and purging/deleting. I hope to see you here tomorrow!