sunshine after the rain

I have started and stopped so many posts since last week.  Maybe this one will stick.  

There have been so many thoughts and emotions rolling around in my brain since my friend passed away.  Her family is never far from my thoughts, and every time I think of them, I pray for them, and also for the family who lost their three precious teenagers.  I don't know that family at all, but I can't stop thinking about them, either.  Just today I watched a video memorial that someone from the family shared on Facebook, and they seem like the sweetest, most loving family.  

I feel like the last week was wrapped around all of this, and the tragedy that took place.  It's not just me that this gave such pause to, my husband has also been thinking about this as well.  It's interesting how when something like this happens, it changes the course of your life.  Since their house fire happened, Todd has been busy ordering replacements for our fire detectors, because who knew that you should replace them every few years.  He ordered fire escape ladders for us, as well, and we've been talking about what we would do, if we were in that situation.  

Kari's visitation and funeral were last weekend.  The night of the visitation was a huge testament to how much that family is loved around town.  We waited in line for over two hours to see her family, and everywhere around us were people we knew that knew them.  Our town felt small that night, as so many people were touched by her life in some way.  The funeral the next day was not a funeral at all, but a worship service and celebration of her life.  Women lined the stage, wanting to share some way in which Kari impacted their lives.  She was a godly wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, beloved friend, and mentor.  Her middle son spoke, as well as her husband, and he spoke about the kind of wife she was.  More than once, I wished for something to write with, as even in her death, she was such a biblical example of we are to be, as wives and mothers, and I was learning from her life.

Several things have stood out to me, since all of this took place.  I have been reminded of some things, and I have been personally challenged in my own walk with the Lord.  I thought I'd share some things I've really been thinking about.

One thing I have thought a lot about is the way I love my family.  I already love them, of course, but I could definitely change some things, like my attitude.  Meaning, when I pray and ask God to help me better serve them, maybe I could also ask for more joy in my doing.  Because I already serve them, but my attitude is not always the greatest.  A good reminder for me is to put everyone else first and think of myself less.  This is opposite of the way that most of us are wired to live, and it is DEFINITELY opposite of how the world thinks we should live.  

Philippians 2:8 says this: Do nothing out of selfish ambition of conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.   

A characteristic about Kari that I loved the most was how she would speak the truth, but with so much love.  She didn't sugar coat things, she did not flatter, she told you how it was and what you should do.  This is a way I would like to be more often.  I have major people pleasing tendencies and everything within me wants to do all that I can to prevent ever rocking the boat, so to speak.  But that is not healthy, and it is not biblical.  I am not saying that I should go around and randomly tell people to do this or that, and to stop doing something else.  But the Lord has given me lots of opportunities with people, and they come to me about things.  They share life stories with me, they tell me they want to "be a better Christian" (I am cringing at that), and they ask me to pray, or they'll ask me where to get started in reading the bible.  

In these circumstances when I am asked, I want to be more like my friend, and gently and lovingly speak truth to them.  This comes from Ephesians 4:15.  He has already given me one such opportunity with a young lady that has been on my heart for months and months.  I didn't really go looking for that opportunity, either, but He handed it to me, and I obeyed.  I don't ever intend to scare someone away from the faith, or to be pushy with them, but when given opportunities, I need to not waste them.  

I've been reminded, AGAIN, that nothing in life is supposed to be a competition.  Friends are not supposed to be envious or jealous, churches should not compete against with one another, denominations should never divide.  As friends, we should all be champions or cheerleaders for one another.  There are circumstances in life sometimes, when certain friends are for a season, and then life kind of moves you on.  Just because that may or may not happen doesn't mean we should ever stop loving one another.  Churches should not compete against one another, but should come together.  This has been one beautiful thing to happen from such a tragedy.  Churches in our town have joined together and embraced the Coudriet family.  Offerings have been taken up for and given to them, and churches have served one another.  Denominations shouldn't divide, because it's not going to be a whole bunch of Southern Baptist folks up in heaven someday, worshiping Jesus.  It's also not going to be just Methodists, or non-denominationals, or Pentecostals, or Church of Christ folks, or Assembly of God folks.  We will ALL be together someday in heaven, if we are believers in and followers of Him.

Something else I have thought about a lot is the act of investing in someone else, that is not in my family.  The priority should be God, spouse, family, then all else should follow.  After I've taken care of them, and in my spare time (and trust me, I have some), I should be actively involved in the lives of younger women.  Here is a news flash: we should never just be concentrating on ourselves and our own personal walk with the Lord.  We should be living as Titus 2 tells us.  Read the whole chapter, because it is so good, but here are a few characteristics we should have: we should be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not slaves to excessive drinking.  We should be teaching what is good, encouraging younger women to love their husbands, and children, to be self-controlled, pure, workers at home (meaning we should focus FIRST on our family, even if working outside of the home, it does not mean to not work outside of the home), kind, and in submission to our husbands.  There will always be someone younger than us to share with, and if you are able to, try to also find someone older than you who will pour into you.  See how this should all work?  It is such a beautiful thing, this life lived out for and with others.

As long as I live, God will never be finished with me.  As long as He is still working on me and teaching me things out of His word, I have a responsibility to share with others.  We should continually look for opportunities to serve others!  I think of a dear lady who has gone on to her home in eternity, Mrs. Audrey, who is someone I strive to be like.  This was a precious saint who adopted a group of teenage girls and poured into them.  She prayed for them, she taught them, and she lived a life worthy of example.  She added my friend and myself into that mix, and would mail us cards, or call us on the phone, out of the blue.  She did this until the day Jesus called her home.  

We should be living out this responsibility, and we should be living like there is an urgency in life.  There is!  It's a matter of life or death, meaning without the love of God, or WITH the love of God.  I want everyone I know to be in heaven with me someday, and I want to share about Him and speak of Him all that I can.  

These are just a few of the things I've been thinking on in the last several days.  I know there are more things still, but I am processing so much of it all.  I am sure that as time continues moving forward, more things will pop into my mind.  One thing I know is that life is precious.  I have said goodbye to THREE good friends in two years, two of which were the mothers of some of the best friends Drew ever had.  Two were victims of cancer, and one was Kari.  Tarin was a friend I prayed with for years at our local neighborhood school, and her son Canon was one of my bonus sons for many years.  Esther was another friend from this same bible study I knew Kari from.  In saying all these goodbyes, I am even more grateful for the fact that even in grief, we grieve with hope.  Our hope is in Jesus Christ, and we know that we will see these loved ones again someday.  I don't know if we'll be looking for each other or if we'll be too busy worshiping Jesus, but just knowing they're already there is comforting.  Life WITH Jesus is hard sometimes (a lot of times), but I truly cannot even comprehend how impossible life without Him must be! 

I don't mean to be dramatic in writing this, y'all.  Most of you know my heart when I write things like this, but in case you don't, here it is.  The Lord has helped me grapple with all of this in these last several days.  As He has helped me, I want to try and help others.  Maybe some of you are struggling with thoughts or emotions as well, and reading this will help give a little perspective.  I don't write this to get attention or to make you think I've got all my stuff together.  I don't, trust me.  But the Lord has helped me with all of this, and I want to share it with you.  As I have prayed and read His word, He has given me comfort and peace.  He brings to mind often, all the family effected by these deaths, and every time I think of them, I pray for them.  I also pray for my friend who lost her niece last week, and another friend I used to attend church with, who lost her son.  Grief and death are all around us, every day of our lives, and we need to learn how to deal with it when it happens, especially when it's a friend, or the family member of a friend, and we need to learn how to help others.  (I don't mean deal with it, as in deal with it and move on.  I mean go to God with it.  I've talked to the Lord more times in the last week than I have in a long time, because every time I am alone, my mind starts working, and instead of trying to make sense of it all, I just start to pray.)  We share life with so many people, and we can all help one another when things are bleak.

It does help, I promise, praying.  I am still dealing with emotions that are raw and pop up out of nowhere, like when a song comes on the radio, but even in those moments, I just pray and/or worship.  (Before all this happened, my son mutually gave up a long relationship he had been in, and y'all.  That is not for the faint of heart.  This momma hurts when her boys hurt, and I love wholeheartedly, all the people my sons have relationships with, whether just a friend, or a girlfriend.  There is no "just turning off" all those feelings and emotions.  It is a process, and one I will be going through for a long time to come.) 


Because regardless of this crazy life, God is good, strictly because He is God.  He knows what it's like to grieve (like when His friend Lazarus died) and He definitely knows what it's like to hurt (like when He knew that one of the twelve disciples was about to betray Him) on the inside.  I take comfort in knowing all of that, don't you?  And if you don't have that, I implore of you (AGAIN) to not wait.  If you don't know Jesus, don't wait another minute.  If you need a better relationship with Him, pray and read His word.  That is all there is to it, it's so simple.  Just don't wait.  I have said it a million times, and will continue to: none of us are promised tomorrow.  

Thanks for reading all of my thoughts.  If you made it this far, way to go!  Love to all.  

p.s. 

About that picture at the top, isn't it always good to see the sunshine after the rain?  There is so much about that emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually, and I've already agreed to stop writing, but I was so encouraged by that glorious sunset last Thursday night.  It didn't even last, because as we drove to Cordova for dinner that night, the rain started back up.  We looked at the weather, and it was totally a fluke that we even witnessed this.  But you know what?  I was heavy in heart that day, and my Jesus knew that I needed a little sunshine (SONshine) at that exact moment.  My sweet friend Kari used to call these type of things kisses from God.  (And, cue the tears.  Again.)